Category Archives: Love Lessons

Let A Man be A Man, Part 1.

open doorI was walking towards my work building the other day and there was enough time for me to open the door to the lobby area, but I saw a gentleman who looked like he was taking brisk steps so he could open the door for me. I reached for the handle, but then I looked at him, put my hand down and stepped to the side (yes, I sure did, lol). He smiled and opened the door and said “Thank You” in which I replied, “No, Thank you!”

He told me that a lot of women in Los Angeles usually don’t step aside and let him be a man. Instead, they open their own doors. He said “I’m from the East Coast and chivalry is not dead.” Ah Hah! I should have known he was a guy from another planet, I mean from the East. *Major side-eye to some of these West Coast guys*

I’ve seen guys walk through doors without saying thank you, guys who open doors for their self without holding it open for women, and guys who let women open doors for them (you do remember a pregnant Kim holding the door open for her and Kanye, right? ha!) Tsk tsk,

Ladies, please let a man be a man. Step to the side and let him open the door for you. Some men really want to be a man and are a little offended when we try to do everything for ourself. This reminds me of one of my posts, Traditional Girl in a Modern Day World. Some of you modern day ladies want to do it all. Just chill out sometimes and uphold some of the traditions of a man being a man.

What are your thoughts? Fellas, do you still open doors for women? Women, do you step aside and let a man open the door for you?

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I Am Love.

i-am-loveThis morning I woke up wanting to tell everyone that I love them! I feel very joyful and happy. Why? Because of meditation. I used to meditate frequently, but slowed down a bit. Well Oprah Winfrey and Deepak Chopra have put together a free, 21 day meditation experience. You should register HERE.   I started late so I will be doing 18 days, (I’m working on my procrastination lol). I will take you on the journey with me.

How I meditate: I typically sit in an Indian style position, close my eyes, breathe deeply, repeat a mantra silently. Sometimes I listen to Moments in Love by Art of Noise while meditating and sometimes I sit silently. I urge you to register in the 21 day Meditation Experience so you can better understand how to practice the meditation process.

Why you should meditate: Meditation makes me relax. Makes me stress free. Makes me happy and more upbeat. I believe the same will be true for you. Meditation slows your thoughts down, centers you, and makes you feel at peace. The process will bring clarity, emotional positivity and calmness.

Today’s meditation: “I am Love.”

MESSAGE: Today’s meditations will show you that love is our joyful spiritual center.  We don’t need to go anywhere to find love. We are our own source of joyful love. This is love that never fades. If we look for love around us we are assuming we lack love, and that we can find it in another person. Bring a full loving heart wherever you go.

From me to you: Once you love yourself and exude love, you will attract love.  Once you love yourself, you no longer have to look for it because it’s within you. So many people look for love in someone else, or look for others to love them, but it begins with you.   People always say, “You have to love yourself before you love someone else.” Wise words. If you depend on someone else for love and happiness then what happens if the person leaves your life? Do you no longer have love and happiness? So meditate and understand that YOU are love!

“Prayer is you speaking to God while meditation is the process of God speaking to you.”

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Ladies, STOP! It’s Not YOUR Fault Your Man Cheated On You.

tina campbell_mary mary

So in the dating world, men and women have their own requirements. Most men want women to cook, clean, always look good, be independent, cater to him and now  I’m assuming there’s a new rule: Blame yourself IF he decides to cheat on you.  Ladies, STOP!

Firstly, no, this isn’t a new requirement from men, but it seems as though women are taking responsibility for their cheating partners. “Where dey do dat at?”

Tina Campbell, from the Gospel Duo Mary Mary, recently dealt with infidelity as her husband had an affair. In an interview, Campbell says, “I give my husband 190% responsibility for breaking the vow of our marriage…but I, Tina, assume full responsibility for the issues I contributed to the relationship.” Understood, but stop there. Ladies, please stop there. It’s okay to notice your flaws because no one is perfect. But do not blame YOUR flaws for the reasons a man might step out on you.

Ladies, STOP blaming yourself for another GROWN man’s actions! If there’s RESPECT in the relationship then certain actions should not take place.  The golden rule for life is “treat others the way you want ot be treated” and the same should be true in romantic relationships. If Campbell’s husband respected her enough, he would have gone to her and communicated his desires. He could have easily shared his wants and needs. He could have easily stopped himself before taking things too far.

In the interview, Campbell continued, “What happens is, you’re going on and you’re busy and you’ve got children and you’ve got work. And what happens is your husband is last and you don’t realize that he’s last. And if he has a problem with being last you’re like,’Well, what am I supposed to do? You know that I’ve got a career? You know that I’ve got these babies” and again I say, STOP! I feel like she’s apologizing for having a career, being a mother, and not having enough time for her husband, so again that’s why he might have stepped out on her. Ladies, STOP apologizing and start recognizing when enough is enough. YOU are not to blame for a man disrespecting you. YOU are not to blame for a man cheating on you. YOU are not to blame, so stop it.

I’m sure there are young women and women of God who look up to Mary, Mary. You can even find me on any given day, singing, praising, and shouting “It’s the God in ME!” And of course her personal views do not take away from her music, but what message does that send to other women who look up to Campbell? Are we submitting a little TOO much in our marriage? Are we going to be walked all over and take “full responsibility” for our actions that may contribute to cheating partners?

In essence, we all have a choice.  Of course Campbell chose to work it out with her husband and I wouldn’t suggest otherwise.  Also, her husband had a choice to not have an affair. And we all have a choice to notice when something isn’t right in our relationship and address it instead of blaming ourselves afterwards when things go wrong in the relationship. Choose wisely.

Do you agree or disagree with Tina Campbell?

Why Do I Have To Keep Explaining That I’m Under 30, Single, And Still Fabulous?

I called my grandpa recently to wish him a happy birthday and during the course of our hour-long conversation he managed to slip in the never-ending question, “So…do you have a boyfriend yet?” Dang! I thought we would be able to talk about sports, social issues, and family without bringing up that question…again. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case as he went on to say, “You’re approaching 30…You have to get a man.”

Sigh.

I understand my grandpa is older and that back in his day dating and marrying at a young age was common. But fast forward some decades and we’re now in an era where women are more independent. Men are not the sole providers and the only ones “bringing home the bacon.”  Women are advancing in their careers, making their own money, and supporting themselves. So we’re not necessarily in a rush to get married because we’re still living our own life. Though we will need our man…eventually. *Cues Jill Scott –The Fact Is “I need you…We need you.”

Of course I don’t always want to fall into the “Single, Educated Career Woman” category, but for now, I don’t mind being labeled as such. It’s not as though I’m dodging guys; I date. I’m completely aware that my job isn’t going to keep me warm at night, but right now I’m content. Wale said it best in his song,  Ambitious Girl, “You just wanna win, and you’d rather chase your dreams, than to try to chase these men.” Finally someone understands!

People ask about your relationship status and act as though you have a disease when you say, “I’m single.” It’s not that serious.

I’ve been described as a career-driven woman so my focus is on growing and excelling in my industry first. Besides, I’m only in my twenties! And I believe my 20s is a time for me to date around. It’s my time to figure out what I want and what I do not want in a man. I’m also learning and understanding who I am. I’m recognizing my flaws and working to improve them. I’m building my career.  I’m giving myself time to grow and mature mentally, emotionally and spiritually before I open my heart completely to a man.

Even married actress Paula Patton understands the conundrum that is women’s singleness. While speaking on a panel about her latest movie, Baggage Claim, she said, “People are very tough on women. It doesn’t matter that you have a successful career, you volunteer, hang with your nieces and nephews…it’s always ‘do you have a man and kids?’ as if everything else doesn’t matter.” I, along with many others, could totally relate to that statement. I do all of those things and people still ask about my invisible man. People always preach, “A man should not complete you, he should complement you,” but when people ask “do you have a boyfriend yet?” it implies that a woman is, in fact, not complete if she doesn’t have a man. Being in a relationship and having children does not define a woman’s whole existence.  We are much more than that.

Once I’m in a relationship and married, I will spend the rest of my life building a foundation, a family and bond with someone else. But for now, I’m living for myself.  So I’m speaking for the under 30, single, fabulous, working woman: do what’s best for you. Let life happen and don’t let others dictate what you should have in your life. One day my grandpa will be happy and see me with a great guy, but not now. As far as me getting in a relationship before I’m 30, I replied, “Well that gives me about 36 months, which is over 1,000 days, so I have plenty of time.”

Originally posted at: MadameNoire.com

Fellas, Please Stop…

Posted on

stopNow there are plenty of blogs, magazines, movies, books, classes, yada yada, telling women what to do and what NOT to do to keep their man. Sigh. Let us live.

So I want to flip the script and talk to the fellas.  And let them know what they should STOP doing. Please…just stop.

1) Please stop asking, “Send me a pic.” Siiiiiiigh. No. Just no. There are women who don’t mind sending pics to random guys. I’m sure most of the “models” on Instagram send guys photos all day, err’ day. But if you JUST meet a woman and you request a photo within ummm…one or two days of meeting her then please exit stage left. Don’t ask for pics before you ask her on a date. I asked one guy if he was trying to make a photo album or something, lol. Isn’t everyone on Facebook or Twitter these days anyway? I’m sure your new friend has plenty of photos on there. 😉

2) Please stop thinking every woman wants to  marry you. Dang, did I bruise your ego? Seriously, though. Some women date for fun. You might just be Mr. “Right Now” until her “Mr. Right” comes along…dang, I did it again huh? But relax. Have fun. Chill out.

3) Please stop asking to hang out when you’re clearly in a relationship. It’s this weird thing going on where men don’t respect their relationship. If a woman has to remind you that you’re in a relationship then you need to reevaluate said relationship. Again, I know some women have a “well if he doesn’t care about his relationship then why should I?” mentality…I get it. But every woman doesn’t share that way of thinking.

4) Please have a conversation before asking for her number. One guy approached me and just asked, “Can I give you my number?”  Do women fall for that? If so then I need to make a list for y’all too! lol. The guy didn’t know my name or anything. I was so confused. Guys….it’s so simple. Introduce yourself, ask for our name, make us laugh, ask if we’re single and that’s it. If she has a man…RESPECT it and keep it pushing. If she doesn’t, then ask could you call her some time…get the number and keep it pushing. Let me know how this works 😉

5) I asked my Twitter and Facebook friends what men should stop doing and here are a few of their replies: PLEASE STOP sagging, being inconsistent and playing games!

Feel free to add more to the list in the comments section below.

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