Let it GO! Easy to say, Hard to do.

People get in relationships, fall in love, fall out of love, but stay in the relationship. I’ve noticed that some people tend to stay in relationships far longer than they should. Someone could continuously get mistreated, but for some reason…you can’t let go.

It’s okay.

It’s normal to hold on to a relationship a little longer than you should. There’s something called feelings…love…attachment…and of course the “one day things will get better” mentality. I get it. But when you invest more time into the wrong relationship, you waste valuable time that could have gone into the right partnership.

A friend recently vented to me about her relationship and I told her, “You deserve better, and you should let him go…but only when you want to let him go.” She appreciated my advice and said I was the first friend to tell her that. Most people just told her to leave him. I agree with them, but from experience, I realized that letting go is easier when you are genuinely ready to move on. I know I’ve been in some “let it go” situations with a couple guys,  but I only found it easier to “let go” when it happened on my own terms, not when someone suggested I do so…Because I would find myself back in the same situation with the same guy.

We all have a breaking point, so you’ll know when you’re fed up. So let go…when you want to. But remember, you can’t get that time back.

“If he ain’t gonna love you the way he should … Then let it go.  If he ain’t gonna treat you the way he should …Then let it go” Keyshia Cole

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Love and Hip Hop…Emphasis on Love

Vh1’s Love and Hip Hop Atlanta, a spin-off of the original Love and Hip Hop New York,  premiered on Monday, June 18th. At first I was reluctant to watch the show, but after reading so many tweets and facebook updates about the series, I decided to tune in.

I watched. And I sighed.

I blogged about the Basketball Non-Wives before, and Love and Hip Hop Atlanta is not much different. Most of the reality shows that follow women  focus on ladies who are attached to men who repeatedly disrespect them; the series include women who are vociferous and belligerent; the series have women who, I think, just want love.

The “men” on Love and Hip Hop Atlanta feel a sense of entitlement because they are ultimately buying the women. Bad boy producer,  Stevie J, openly cheats, called a woman a b**ch, threw a drink at a woman, and on the flip side buys a house for one woman, produce a few beats for the other…he says “I love you…you’re beautiful…”etc.  These men prey on women with low self-esteem. They know a few nice words or kind gestures would make the woman tingle inside. She would feel loved  and not question his actions because he’s displaying hislove”. So now she’s not mad at his behavior anymore, because he said a few, sweet…nothings.

Stevie J’s women gave him chance after chance. He constantly cheats on his girlfriend of 15 years, MiMi, but bought her a house to keep her quiet about all of his wrongdoings. In a confessional, MiMi says, “Sometimes I wish I didn’t LOVE him so much”…Sigh. I wish she didn’t either.

Stevie J threw a drink at his artist Joseline, aka the side chick, and he still left the club with her…and she allowed it. Her reaction to the drink? She said something along the lines of, “He messed up my fur coat… he’s going to buy me a new one.” SIGH. There was no anger about the action, but moreso anger because of her ruined outfit. Throughout the episode, she stays on hush about her relationship with the producer, which made a lot of viewers angry. But why would she speak up? He’s her provider.  He’s helping her with her music career, buys her gifts and shows her attention…so I’m sure she feels loved. It’s not right, but it’s okay in her eyes. She would lose everything if she speaks up. So instead, she sucks it up and shuts up.

Lil’ Scrappy’s girlfriend, Erica, has the same “I need love” mentality. She got pregnant by the rapper-> his music career blew up and he cheated on her with the rapper Diamond-> Diamond cheated  with someone else -> Lil Scrappy went back to Erica…in that order. And yes, Erica allowed him back into her life because she ultimately wants to feel loved.

The female characters represent a lot of women who stay in bad relationships, because she loves the guy more than she loves herself. But when you love yourself more, you know what is and what is NOT acceptable. When you love yourself more, you have a very low tolerance for disrespectful behavior. When you love yourself more,  you know when to let go.

So to the women on LOVE and Hip Hop Atlanta, put more emphasis on LOVE  and less emphasis on the Hip Hop  entertainers who disrespect the word, love.

“Learning to love yourself…it is the greatest love of all” Whitney Houston

~Ashley Caprice

Romance WITHOUT Finance

So we all know the phrase, “No romance, without finance.” Some people will not date someone if they are not making a certain amount of money or not flossing their cash. These people are called gold diggers.  And they are making it hard for women who want real love instead of the superficial crap. Some men won’t even take women out on dates anymore because they think women just want a “free meal”…BLAH!

So I’ve decided to put together a list of some romantic gestures for people who are getting in a new relationship or couples wanting  tips to keep the relationship alive.  REAL women are simple. We mainly want time, affection and compliments…a little TLC if you will.  And REAL woman could care less how much you spend on us, but would like you to think of creative ways to show how much you love us. Now if a woman looks at you crazy for anything I list below then she might be into your finances…or just not a romantic.

At a time where women are told to “think like men” I decided to flip the switch. We don’t want to think like you. Point. Blank. We just want you to understand us and our desires. I’ve decided to put a list together of romantic gestures for the fellas (and women, feel free to take a few tips). Nothing will cost money. Now beware, I’m very mushy! Some men might refuse to do anything I mention but try it out. Your woman might love it 😉

Romantic tips:

-Everyone loves music. Rock. Pop. R&B. Jazz. Hip Hop. Reggae…Whatever. Find out your partner’s favorite type of music and dedicate a song to them. I promise that whenever they hear that song they will think of you.

Pause in the middle of a sports game, look over at her and give her a compliment. We know sports are important to you, but it’ll be nice if you look away from the game for a split second to say she looks nice, or her food was good, etc.

-If you’re bold, call into a radio station and make a dedication to your mate on-air…so the whole town could hear.

-Make a CD full of songs that you dedicate to her.

-On a night where there is a full moon, and you two are at separate places, call her up. Tell her to look out the window at the moon and let her know that you’re looking at the moon as well. You two could feel like you’re close together even though you’re far apart.

-Write a love note or letter. Leave it on the mirror, in his car, in the fridge, at his job, in  his briefcase, by his newspaper, on the computer, by his phone…write it, mean it, and leave it.

Call…just to say I Love you, I miss you, I’m thinking about you, I want you…Again, CALL… NOT text. We want to hear it.

Sing to her. Yep. Have a karaoke night and just make a complete a** of yourself! But it will be ok because you’ll sing a song that you could dedicate to your girl. Everyone else will probably laugh (unless you can really SANG), but your woman would appreciate your effort…and might get a little chuckle out of it as well.

Spray cologne in her car, her pillow, her room or any other place in the house so that she will always think of you.

Cook. Women are always told to cook, clean, look good, blah blah blah…but turn the tables on us. Cook for us. Serve us breakfast in bed. Cook a candlelit dinner.

-Give her a massage. Just because. Massage our feet, back, neck…whatever.

Most people put their best foot forth in the beginning of a relationship but then get comfortable and lazy  after the “honeymoon phase.” So bring the spark back! Try one of my suggestions and let me know how it works.

What are some more romantic tips? What’s the sweetest thing your mate has done for you or that you’ve done for your mate?

“You’re so freaking romantic, I can’t stand it…You set the standard for many things,  I wasn’t sure life would bring.  You’re so romantic”  Romantic, Goapele (Dope love song)

~Ashley Caprice 

What’s Wrong With You?!

So I met this guy a few years ago… he was 30-years-old, has his own business, own car, own place, no kids, Masters Degree, fit, nice guy, single and never been married. Sounds like he was all that and a bag of chips right? Well I told my friend about him and she jokingly asked, “What’s wrong with him? Is he a serial killer or something?!”  Everything was great on the outside, BUT he couldn’t make me laugh…So we didn’t keep in touch.

My friend’s reaction was funny at the time but now it has me thinking…when someone has their ish together AND they’re single we immediately think something is WRONG…when in reality, everything appears to be RIGHT. Some women always complain about not finding a “good man” but wouldn’t know what to do when a good man is right in thier face.

Another situation involved a guy who said he was 22-years-old, went out with a woman who was in her 30s and single with no children. They had a great time, but he thought she was crazy for still being single at her age. Fast forward, the same guy is now in his late 30s, single, no kids, never been married. I bet he doesn’t think he’s crazy though…funny how you can be in the same situation that you once talked negatively about.

In all, I blame society. If someone is 30+, have no kids, single, etc., people think something is wrong with them. Some women live  a fairy tale life and think their prince charming will swoop them off their feet, have a house with a white picket fence, married with children and live happily ever after. It doesn’t always happen like that though. There is pressure particularly on women to get married and have children before they reach 30…otherwise,  guys would look at them like “what’s wrong with you?” On the other hand, men stay single longer than women because there is little to no pressure for them to have children.

I’ve heard of situations where people would mess up what they have because they have the “it’s too good to be true” mentality. There are plenty of good men and women in the world. But don’t mess up something RIGHT because you’re looking for what’s WRONG.

“What you need might pass you by, if you don’t catch it”

When It Hurts So Bad, Lauryn Hill

Feel free to leave your thoughts.

~Ashley Caprice

I Will Never Date a Black Man Again.

 “Why the world sleeping on black girls? Hey I don’t know, man.” ~Play the Guitar, B.o.B. ft.Andre 3000

Black men don’t know how to commit. Black men are playas. Black men don’t know how to communicate. Black men are lazy. Black men don’t know what they want.  So I’m done with them.

LIES! I will NOT give up on my Black men, but it seems like Black men are giving up on us. I mentioned a few stereotypes of Black men which are non-factual, but I feel like some Black men believe that ALL Black women are angry, difficult, bitter and controlling. These men are starting to look to other races for love and leave Black women alone all together.

I don’t discriminate against interracial relationships.  What I don’t like is someone saying they will NEVER date someone of their OWN race. That’s asinine.  I understand people have “preferences” but to blatantly say you prefer to date outside of your own race is showing that you don’t even love yourself. You’re basically saying your own race is not good enough…your own men/women are not good enough to date so why should you date them. So what do you really think about yourself?

I’m writing this because I had a discussion with someone on Facebook and the person said that his coworker, who is a Black man, will “never date Black women again, only White women because it’s less stress, they’re easy to communicate with,don’t give you a hard time,affectionate and not just with sexual things.And she will at least offer to pay for the check”…sigh. I KNOW plenty of BLACK women who don’t cause stress, easy to communicate with, don’t give their guy a hard time, affectionate and not just with sexual things, and will offer to pay for the check from time to time. But this list is a little twisted. Seems like this particular guy is looking for someone who will do for him, but what about the woman. What happened to wanting a woman of substance? A woman worth your time and love? A spiritually/emotionally/mentally stable woman? Does that not matter anymore? There are PLENTY of good Black women. So brothas, be patient. Because Black women are definitely, patiently waiting for you.

Honestly, people are different. So everyone can seem difficult. We never totally know someone’s thoughts, wants or desires. I wish people would stop stereotyping. EVERY Black woman isn’t the same. EVERY person of ANY race is not the same.  Don’t generalize. Don’t stereotype. See everyone as an individual before you pass judgement.

“Tell me how you’d feel if i was gone…no mama, no daughter, no sista friends. Tell me my brotha, what will become of you then? what if, POOF, every Black female in the world disappeared? Your beautiful brown would be forever gone with no more cocoa wombs to carry your brown on. You right there would be the last of your kind..cuz if there was no me. there’d be no YOU. tell me how you’d feel,  if I was gone.” How It Make You Feel, by Jill Scott

~Ashley Caprice

Break The Cycle…in Relationships.

Man dates girl. Everything is great. Man gets heart broken. Man never opens his heart the same again.

Woman dates guy. Everything is great. Woman gets heart broken. Woman never opens her heart the same again.

So what are we  stuck with? Heartbroken men and women who try to move on and date again. But now what? It’s hard for them to trust other people. It’s hard for them to open up to the next person. It’s hard for them to love like they used to. They’re carrying baggage…all because of their past, failed relationships.

Every person is NOT the same. Just because someone did you wrong in the past does not mean the next person will behave the same way. We must learn that life has it’s ups and downs. So some relationships last forever…and unfortunately, some relationships don’t. LEARN your lesson from EVERY relationship and MOVE ON.

Break the cycle.

~Ashley Caprice

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