One Word with Two Letters Can Change Your Entire Life

As women, we tend to have a caring, nurturing heart. We’re so sweet and always willing to give a helping hand. We go out of our way for others without thinking twice and ultimately spread ourselves thin. Overall, we do way too much and sometimes get little to nothing in return.

But there comes a time where you have to say that one word that could give you more “me” time, less stress, and more energy towards your own priorities. A simple word with only two little letters that’s so hard for a lot of people to say, but can benefit you in the long run–NO. We need to learn to say No like we were Beyoncé backup singers, I mean, a part of Destiny’s Child, “No, No, No!”

NO

As I’m getting older, and having enough responsibilities of my own, I’m learning that I need to implement “no” into my vocabulary a little bit more. Sometimes we go above and beyond for our family, friends, and coworkers. Sometimes we don’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings so we put our own feelings aside and say yes to something we would have preferred to say no to. Sometimes it gets to the point where people start expecting our “yes” and are highly disappointed when you hit them with a curve ball and say, “no.”

Saying no can alleviate a lot of stress and worry because we need to learn to stop making someone else’s problems our problems. We need to stop worrying about what someone would think when we say no. We need to learn to put our feelings and needs first.

I remember watching an episode of Girlfriends and yelling at the screen, “Yaaaasss!!!” because I could totally identify with Joan’s character (for more reasons than one). But on this particular episode, Joan went to a therapist and she had the following conversation:

Joan: “How do I keep people from walking all over me?

Therapist: Learn to say No.

Joan: If I say no, then they’re going to hate me.

Therapist: Until you learn to say no, you’re going to keep lying to yourself.

Joan realized she was an enabler and her saying “Yes” to others was actually making her say “No” to herself. Once she learned the magical word, “no” she ended up having more time for herself. She was more confident because she stood up for herself and not let people depend on her so much. She gained respect and people were no longer willing to walk all over her. We always want to be a good friend, sister, lover, or mother but need to know when we take on someone else’s responsibilities then we are actually saying No to ourselves. Enough is enough.

In essence, most of us want to be there for others and that’s totally okay. But if you think you will be inconvenienced in a major way by saying “yes” then just say no. Or you can say, “That doesn’t work for me” or “Let me think about it” if you’re unsure about your decision. It’s the same people that we say yes to all of the time who would trip when we say no; let them trip. They will get over it. They will find another way and you will still have your dignity.

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Ladies, STOP! It’s Not YOUR Fault Your Man Cheated On You.

tina campbell_mary mary

So in the dating world, men and women have their own requirements. Most men want women to cook, clean, always look good, be independent, cater to him and now  I’m assuming there’s a new rule: Blame yourself IF he decides to cheat on you.  Ladies, STOP!

Firstly, no, this isn’t a new requirement from men, but it seems as though women are taking responsibility for their cheating partners. “Where dey do dat at?”

Tina Campbell, from the Gospel Duo Mary Mary, recently dealt with infidelity as her husband had an affair. In an interview, Campbell says, “I give my husband 190% responsibility for breaking the vow of our marriage…but I, Tina, assume full responsibility for the issues I contributed to the relationship.” Understood, but stop there. Ladies, please stop there. It’s okay to notice your flaws because no one is perfect. But do not blame YOUR flaws for the reasons a man might step out on you.

Ladies, STOP blaming yourself for another GROWN man’s actions! If there’s RESPECT in the relationship then certain actions should not take place.  The golden rule for life is “treat others the way you want ot be treated” and the same should be true in romantic relationships. If Campbell’s husband respected her enough, he would have gone to her and communicated his desires. He could have easily shared his wants and needs. He could have easily stopped himself before taking things too far.

In the interview, Campbell continued, “What happens is, you’re going on and you’re busy and you’ve got children and you’ve got work. And what happens is your husband is last and you don’t realize that he’s last. And if he has a problem with being last you’re like,’Well, what am I supposed to do? You know that I’ve got a career? You know that I’ve got these babies” and again I say, STOP! I feel like she’s apologizing for having a career, being a mother, and not having enough time for her husband, so again that’s why he might have stepped out on her. Ladies, STOP apologizing and start recognizing when enough is enough. YOU are not to blame for a man disrespecting you. YOU are not to blame for a man cheating on you. YOU are not to blame, so stop it.

I’m sure there are young women and women of God who look up to Mary, Mary. You can even find me on any given day, singing, praising, and shouting “It’s the God in ME!” And of course her personal views do not take away from her music, but what message does that send to other women who look up to Campbell? Are we submitting a little TOO much in our marriage? Are we going to be walked all over and take “full responsibility” for our actions that may contribute to cheating partners?

In essence, we all have a choice.  Of course Campbell chose to work it out with her husband and I wouldn’t suggest otherwise.  Also, her husband had a choice to not have an affair. And we all have a choice to notice when something isn’t right in our relationship and address it instead of blaming ourselves afterwards when things go wrong in the relationship. Choose wisely.

Do you agree or disagree with Tina Campbell?

Antonique Smith (Star of the movie Notorious) talks New Single + Gives Advice to Women!

Antonique smith

Moviegoers sat in awe at the performance of Antonique Smith who portrayed Faith Evans in the 2009 biopic, Notorious. I got a chance to chat with the actress and singer about her music career and she gave great advice to women. She says, “For women, we just got to be strong, we got to be powerful…we got to know who we are, we got to know we’re special and that we’re beautiful.”

As a woman who celebrates Womens History Month, I must say that I agree with her! Smith’s energy and spirit is amazing and she uplifts women through her interview and in her latest single, titled “Hold up, Wait a Minute” available on iTunes.

Listen to her new single below.

Josefa Salinas talks How to Be a Girl, Her Hope for Women and More!

josefa salinasJosefa Salinas is an on-air radio personality for Hot 92.3 and KTLK, Author of 101 Things to Know Before You Date my Daughter, My Best Friend, Founder of How to Be A Girl Camp, Library Commissioner and overall Community Leader! I honored Salinas with a “Woman to Know” award for her personal commitment, dedication and contributions to women and the community. When asked about what inspired her organization, How to be a Girl, she says, “We kind of lost the art of being a girl. My whole thing is to teach young women that you can be beautiful, smart, intelligent, funny, and still be a girl. Still be a leader, still run a corporation, still be the President of the United states, and still be a girl.” Her overall hope for women is to help them understand their worth. She says, “If they understood for one second the value they have as a woman, they will never give it away for free.

You can join Salinas in her community efforts this weekend as she teamed up with the LAPD Juvenile Division for this year’s VOICE Holiday Party, an event to bring joy to children who have suffered so much at the hands of those who were entrusted to protect, nurture and love them.  Learn more about the event here.

Listen in to the whole interview below.

The M3 I’m Amazing Movement! Get Involved on Social Media!

keep-calm-cause-i-m-amazingBrooke Brown is the Founder of The Miss Mini Mogul Association (M3) based in Orlando, Fl. The program is dedicated to teaching young girls how to become successful young ladies. Brown focuses on etiquette, manners, responsibility, effective communication, dealing with anger, and more.

On Tuesday, November 12th, Brown wants to take over social media with the I’m Amazing movement! We all use social networks to connect and communicate with others, so let’s use the sites to uplift and empower young women!

Check out how you can get involved!

What exactly are the details of the M3 I’m Amazing Movement?

On November 12th we are saying I’m amazing, AND MEANING IT! On the Miss. Mini Mogul fan page and the M3 I’m Amazing Movement fan page  all day we are asking for all girls from 6-21 years old to post a picture holding up a sign, or printed on the picture “I’M AMAZING!” On Instagram, post a pic or video saying I’m amazing using the hashtag #M3ImAmazing.  On Twitter, tweet pics or simply I’m Amazing and make sure you hashtag #M3ImAmazing! Lets make this a social media takeover! Share this event with as many young girls as you can! Parents, get your daughters involved, youth leaders get your organizations involved, mentors get your mentees involved, aunts and uncles get your nieces involved, Godparents get your God-daughters involved, friends get your friends involved! Lets make this event awesome and EPIC! A worldwide day of self-love will be simply AMAZING, and so are you!

What inspired the M3 I’m Amazing Movement?

The M3 I’m Amazing Movement was inspired by the rash of cyber bullying and ill way that social media is being used by our young ladies. Here, in Florida, a young lady killed herself due to a pair of other girls calling her derogatory names and telling her that she has no use on this earth. I’m thinking, “She didn’t know she was amazing? She didn’t know that her presence on this earth was necessary, and her life had a purpose?” Sadly, the answer is no. My heart hurts for these young ladies! In their minds, their worth is predicated on what others think. On this day, and everyday going forward self proclamations need to be made that “I’m Amazing!” Despite what rappers, society, the “others” and anybody else says….. I’m Amazing!

How can people get involved?

People can get involved by sharing the page: Miss. Mini Mogul or M3 I’m Amazing Movement, and calling all little girls and young ladies that they know to get involved in this movement!

What would you like participants to take away from the movement?

I would like the participants to take away a new sense of self-worth, self-love and self-pride. To know that despite what was said to you or what was done to you, you my beautiful child, are still amazing!

What if I’m over 21, can I still participate?

If you are over 21 please stay tuned, your turn is coming soon! This event is targeted for the young girls!

 Where can people connect with the movement?

People can connect with me through the Facebook page: Miss. Mini Mogul, M3 I’m Amazing Movement or  email me: missminimogulassoc@gmail.com

I’m all about inspiring others, so I believe this movement is AMAZING, easy and necessary! For more information about the foundation, check out the website: Miss Mini Mogul Association.

Women’s History Month: I Dedicate this to the Ladies!

“I…Am…Superwoman, Yes I Am…Yes she is.” Superwoman -Alicia Keys

Women’s History Month is celebrated annually during March and highlights the contributions of women to events in history and contemporary society. So I want to dedicate this blog post to the ladies!

I want to thank Harriet Tubman, Ida B. WellsRosa Parks, Angela Davis and all of the women who were courageous enough to fight for our rights in the past. I want to thank Michelle ObamaMaya Angelou and Oprah Winfrey  who are upholding a positive image of women today. And of course, I want to thank the everyday woman…my mother, sister, aunt, friends, community figures, and other ladies who exude confidence and strength.

Women are strong. Women will work more than one job, attend school, cook, clean, bear the children, take care of her man, take care of the children, workout, support her friends, and STILL look good in the process! Go Girl!

Women are strong. Women are forgiving, nurturing and thoughtful. Women will smile and laugh when they feel like crying instead. Women will give you their best. Go Girl!

Women are strong. Women are fighters. Just when we feel like throwing in the towel, we’ll try harder instead. Women will make a way out of NO way. Go Girl!

There are so many pieces to a woman. But our complex personality is what makes us Beautiful!

Women, I urge you to excel at work. Demand respect. Don’t settle. Don’t hold grudges. Forgive. Love. Move on. Hold on. Don’t give up. Try harder. Know when to let go. Be a better mother. Be a better friend. Be a better wife. Be a better woman. Become a mentor. Give back. Get involved in your community. Speak up.  Continue to shine. Continue to stay strong. Always SMILE.

You ARE a SUPERWOMAN! You are BEAUTIFUL! Tell the next woman you see that she is, too, beautiful!

History is EVERYDAY! So ladies, LET’S MAKE OUR MARK ON THIS WORLD! Go Girl!

Besides, “This is a man’s world, but it would be NOTHING without a woman or a girl!!!” 😉 James Brown

Feel free to leave your thoughts. Shout out the ladies who are making a difference in your life!

~ Ashley Caprice

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